At times I think falce expectations are the main reason I keep loosing productivity. Some times it feels like I am in a Skinner box. Back to work.
Just finished reading Oyasumi Punpun. The later chapters remind me a bit of Lolita by Nabokov, with a great touch of nihilism. It is one of the most interesting stories I’ve read in a long time and something I have to re-read two or three times to fully understand.
I’ve been thinking about over ambition in art and in general.
Almost every artist I ever knew attempted to make a comic at some point. Some of them, well, most failed due to over ambition. Even when I look at some of my favourite comic artists, even they have a few things that got stuck in a limbo.
I’ve burried so many ideas, that by this point I’ve decided that it is better to spend the year doing various studies. I’m not sure if I should reanimate a few things this year or leave them until university.
The main reason why I never managed to finish any long projects (and I assume I am not the only one) is that my vision always stayed ahead of my skill. As my hand cought up to my eye, my ambitions would spike, until I faces myself with something that would be far above what I can do.
I guess I got dissapointed to the point that, I’ve forgot that some of the best knowledge came after falling flat on my face.
It came to me when I was playing the origional Deus Ex a few weeks ago. In case you do not know the history of the studio that created it, Ion Storm. One of their first games was Daikatana. It was one of the most ambitious games of the era. Yet at some point their ambitions got to them. They got in to budget problems, employees started quiting and the engine could not handle the ammount of content. As a result, their game was rather low quality in all directions.
Later on, barely avoiding financial catastrophy (since it was their first game). They moved to much smaller projects, yet used the same engine, refining its induvidual bits. After a few years, they assembeled Deus Ex, that got crowned the best PC game of all time by many. After thinking about it in perspective, I’ve noticed that Deus Ex is essentialy the refined skeleton of the engine and gameplay of Daikatana with skin taken from Ghost in the Shell and Plilip K Dick novels. Instead of changing ambitions, they changed the foundation, the engine that the story runned on. Well, didn’t change, but refined it.
So, in short, creating comics or anything is something like building a cathedral. It isn’t the fault of the sky that the bulding collapsed, but of the ground that it standed on.
I plan on doing short strips and slowly building on them until I get goot at paneling and visual storytelling.
I guess that is why I have been doing so many studies this year and plan on doing more.
If there is one thing that I have to admit I feel terrible about when by ambitions crush me is that you end up dissapointing other people. This is why I try to keep some of my projects private. One thing is when you fail your own expectations, you get up and try again, but it a different thing when you fail someone else’s expectations, someone you respect.
Fear got to me that for a moment there, it was scary to try something new. Good thing that it is gone now.
P.S: Sorry for my crappy writing, it was late at the time I’ve wrote this.
My art teacher said I should try remaking the Star Mother piece. I am honestly lost right now.
Studies of clouds. I think learning how light falls on them might be useful later on, as well as they are really relaxing to paint.
The funny feeling of accidentaly deleting 5 hours of work
this is going to take quite some work
Speedpaint studies: Koi fish